The setting: Early morning on a hot May day in 2012. A fifth floor, two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, filled floor to ceiling with moving boxes.
The characters: A young married couple, about to embark on a life changing move to India. Tal – an eternal optimist with a slight, but athletic build and a permanent smile. Nora – a faux redhead with a penchant for quippy remarks and a small addiction to strong coffee.
6am: A well rested and fresh faced Tal springs out of bed, cheerfully greets the birds singing morning songs on the windowsill of their room, gracefully pirouettes around the boxes in the living room, and merrily jaunts out of the apartment with a bag of donations to set outside, kicking off the move with a happy little whistle.
6:01am: Nora slams her hand on the sleep button, sending her new iPhone crashing to the floor. She curses. She goes back to sleep.
6:07am: The phone now too far out of reach to hit the sleep button, Nora groans but moves herself into a seated position. She wipes the drool off her cheek and uses it to smooth out her hair, which is of course a mess. She curses at the annoying screeching birds pooping on her windowsill. She clomps into the living room and trips over a box. More cursing. She sits down on the couch, exhausted from the exertion of the day’s events.
A few minutes later Tal reenters the scene.
Tal: Nora, guess what?
Nora mutters something indecipherable.
Tal: The elevator’s broken.
Nora: OHMYLORD This is the WORST thing that has EVER happened in the history of the ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!!
Nora proceeds to freak the f*#& out.
Tal: It’ll be fine – I’ve already called our landlord and he told me the repair person is on his way and thankfully we have professional movers coming to assist us.
Nora and tal go about the last minute details of packing up the apartment they’ve lived in together happily for the last four years.
Tal: Nora, how much did you say it cost for the movers? I want to go get cash out.
Nora: I don’t remember let me check the confirmation email… Tal…. why don’t I have a confirmation email??? Why do I have an email that I never noticed that says “e-contract please sign before the day of the move”. TAL. TALTALTALTALTAL OMG. OMGOMGOMGOMG WE’RE NOT GOING TO HAVE MOVERS AND OUR ELEVATOR IS BROKEN. AND THIS IS SURELY THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Nora proceeds to freak the f*&^ out. Again.
Tal sits next to Nora, cooing completely untrue placations into her ear and calmly strokes her back as she dials and re-dials the number for the moving company’s closed business office. Each time she gets the voicemail she loses it a little bit more.
At 8:45am a human answers.
Human: Hello, Rabbit Movers what can I do for ya?
The monster formally known as Nora: BOUSDFLMSDFLFSOJSDf!!!!!!
Nora: I said, My name is Nora V and Ischeduledmoversfortodaybut I didn’t sign the e-contract and I didn’t receive a confirmationemailorphonecall and I’m sure they’re not coming andI’mfreakingoutandohmygod what can you do for me? PLEASE HELP.
Human: Nora? We called you yesterday, in fact I was the human who called. Didn’t you get my message?
Nora scrolls through the voicemails in her queue.
Human: The movers will be there at 10! Have a great move!
Tal: See? Everything always works out.
At 9am the elevator repair man successfully repairs the elevator.
Just as everything seems to be fitting into place, the 16 foot POD storage unit Nora and Tal rented arrives on a 30 foot flatbed truck and Nora receives a phone call from the driver.
Disgruntled Pods Employee (DPE): Ms. V?
DPE: I’m parked a block an half away and ain’t NO WAY I’m leaving this big ass truck parked on your teeny tiny street for the next four hours.
Nora: You can just double park, this is Brooklyn – everybody does it.
Nora: Well. You sort of have to.
DPE: No. (He hangs up)
Nora: This is the WORST thing that has EVER happened in the history of the ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!!
Tal: It will be fine, if we need to we’ll just help the movers. I’m going to go get you a strong coffee.
Nora: You are my rock.
At 10:45am three jolly, strapping movers arrive. After taking a survey of the apartment, the foreman estimates it will take approximately an hour and half to complete the move.
Nora: Oh..and you’ll have to walk all of our things a block an half to where our truck is parked.
Foreman: Seriously? He can just double park, this is Brooklyn, everybody does it.
Four hours and three sweat soaked movers later, all of Tal and Nora’s worldly possessions are packed, Tetris style, into the POD.
DPE: Do you have a lock?
Nora: I was told you’d be bringing a lock.
Nora: THIS IS THE WORST…